i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
