I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
