There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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