Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
