I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so explain again why im purple
no
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
