Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
