Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
