The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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