Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
