I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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