I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I would fuck him just for his dog
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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