I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
