Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
