my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
