I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
