my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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