dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
