Whod you bang
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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