totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
