Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
