U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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