This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
