im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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