my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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