I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
