That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
