so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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