You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
