capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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