His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
