Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
