I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
