Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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