I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
