he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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