so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
