I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
