OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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