i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
