Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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