why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We got so high we made milksteak
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
