Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
