Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
