who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
