You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
