Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
