Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i love accidental penises.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
