I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
