Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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