I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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