I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
