Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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